It was a tale of two teams on Saturday. No, I’m not referring to Michigan and Iowa, but rather Michigan’s offense and defense. One side looked championship-caliber, while the other looked constipated. Let’s dive into some takeaways.

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Holy hyperbole!

I have to start with one of my favorite pastimes: ripping announcers! This week’s target: Gus Johnson.

Gus Johnson isn’t a spiritual man. I don’t know him, nor have I done any research on him. Doing so would make me question the decisions I had made in life that led me to doing Gus Johnson research. He just doesn’t believe in anything. I know this because every fourth word out of his mouth is “unbelievable”. 

The one that compelled me to give Gus Johnson the lead in this post is his reaction to this sorry-ass “Jim Harbaugh turnaround” graphic that Fox drew up. 

Where do I start with this thing? Why is “losing seasons” a column? How is it a positive to spend damn near 3 seasons inside the AP top ten and yet finish there only once?  How do you find time to lose 15 games while spending nearly 60% of your tenure in the AP top ten? 

I’m getting worked up about Harbaugh, but this is the Gus Johnson section. Time to refocus…

Johnson accused Michigan fans of having short memories, and defined Jim Harbaugh’s performance at Michigan as “unbelievable”. Can you find a more accurate word, please? All things considered, Harbaugh has probably done closer to an unbelievably bad job at Michigan than a good one, which Johnson was implying (I think). I’ve gone over their consistently underachieving ways ad nauseum, so click here if you need a refresher.

Johnson’s exaggerations remind me of a great Louis CK bit about this same subject. Check it out for a good laugh. 

Now on to something that is much closer to unbelievable…

Michigan finally wins turnover battle

For the first time since 11/17/2018, Michigan finished in the green in terms of turnover margin (4/1). This includes intercepting Iowa QB Nate Stanley for the first three times this season. This had been a sneaky cause for concern, as Michigan’s defense had only produced 4 interceptions in their previous 8 games dating back to last season. In a low-scoring affair, this was absolutely crucial to Michigan’s success.

An interesting piece from Football Scoop outlines just how directly turnover margin translates to success in the win column. Across a seven-year sample, teams who averaged merely one more takeaway than their opponent per game won 10 or more games over 60% of the time. Since 10 wins should be considered the baseline expectation for this program, Michigan needs to do all it can to continue this trend. They still sit in the minus column for the season (-1). 

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Not to be outdone by the secondary, Michigan’s front seven was menacing in this game. Nate Stanley was dropped for eight sacks and was routinely under fire. This contributed to Stanley’s interceptions, as he had been working from a clean pocket for most of the season. Take this quote from defensive end Aidan Hutchinson:

“We knew Stanley, coming into the game, didn’t throw any picks,” Hutchinson said. “After watching all the film, you see he never really got hit. After today, we smacked him. That showed what happens when you apply pressure on that guy.”

On a day when Michigan’s defense needed to be great, they answered the call. Don Brown and dem boyz get a week off from my criticism, which is worth more than a co-Big Ten East title.

Offensive offense

So much for Josh Gattis’ move to sidelines making everything more efficient. Turns out that playing Rutgers can just make you really, really, really ridiculously good-looking.

This hire is starting to look more and more sketchy by the game. Gattis has multiple 5-star athletes on this offense (Patterson, Peoples-Jones), yet couldn’t manage to put points on the board in the final 54 minutes of this game. 

Gattis’ preseason promises of a “speed in space” philosophy simply haven’t come to fruition. When you come into your first OC job with catchphrases and hashtags, you shine the spotlight even brighter on your team, and leave yourself open to added scrutiny. Poor communication, ineffective run schemes, and a senior quarterback who is regressing are just some of the reasons Gattis has been a total bust so far in year one. 

More fumbles

They recovered both so we’ll keep this quick, but Michigan fumbled twice more against Iowa. This brings their season total to 14 (7 lost). What. Is. Going. On. 

The Patterson problem

It’s much more fun to pick on the coaches than it is the kids, but the problem simply cannot be ignored: Shea Patterson appears to be the next in a long line of Michigan quarterbacks who will not live up to the hype. What’s worse is that there is a growing trend across multiple head coaches and coordinators of highly touted quarterbacks not only underachieving, but actually regressing in their Michigan careers (see: Gardner, Devin). 

I remember Patterson’s name floated around some preseason Heisman trophy watch lists, but in doing my research for this article I couldn’t believe how many different outlets shared this idea. College football staple Phil Steele even had Patterson tied for third in his Heisman odds. According to betchicago.com, Patterson’s Heisman odds opened at 100/1 in February and climbed all the way to 20/1 by June. 

What a difference five games makes, eh? From Heisman candidate to candidate for being benched. Not sure if Harbaugh would fully pull the trigger on this move, and Dylan McCaffrey’s concussion situation gives Patterson some breathing room in his absence. 

It’s not hard to see why so many folks were high on Michigan’s offensive potential in 2019. A 22-year-old senior quarterback with a veteran offensive line and a slew of blue-chip weapons. An offensive coordinator coming over from Alabama, bringing with him a pro-spread scheme to fit said quarterback’s talents. Yet it seems that neither party is doing the other any favors. Patterson and Gattis are tied at the hip, for better or worse. One can’t turn it around without the other.

Or maybe the offense isn’t struggling. Jim Harbaugh doesn’t think so…

“I think the red zone has been something that’s been good for us,” Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh said on Monday. “As I said after the game, I feel like we’re very close offensively and close to hitting the stride, hitting on all cylinders. I have really good evidence to back that up, but also just what I see.”

I just can’t with this guy.

Takeaway: Dinner is on the offense

Michigan is 4-1 and travels to Illinois this week, where they will likely be a three-touchdown favorite. There is still time for an offensive turnaround. But that turnaround needs to be quick and drastic, and there isn’t much we’ve seen to suggest it is coming.

That being said, this was an impressive showing from a defense who had been embarrassed by the last several high-level opponents it had faced. We hear every week how prepared and motivated this team is, now we finally saw those sentiments reflected in their play. According to Harbaugh, Don Brown said he would “jump off a tall building” if his defense didn’t perform. It looks like Brown will live to see another game. 

He can’t have much time left though. The guy is only 64 but looks like Wilford Brimley. Looks like coaching at Michigan really accelerates the aging process. 

Check your blood sugar, and check it often. Ain’t no reason not to. 

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