The Soundtrack to my Detroit Football Frustration
It only took three games for the University of Michigan to lock in another disappointing football campaign and crank up the burner on Jim Harbaugh’s hot seat to medium-high. As for the Detroit Lions in 2020, we’ve seen about a lifetime worth of wackiness crammed into a half (assed) season, which is par for the course for the franchise that just can’t seem to get out of its own way.
Once upon a time, writing about my teams during the (rare) good times was fun and rewarding, while venting during the (often) frustrating times was therapeutic. Not anymore. I just can’t justify breaking down these games in a traditional sense. It’s not healthy to be this negative ALL THE TIME.
It’s time to get creative in an effort to rekindle the old sportswriting flame that is flickering within.
I am a music junkie. As I sit here listening to Queens of the Stone Age “Live from the Basement” (2010) I now know what I must do to revive myself from this disappointment-induced sports coma. I’ll let music tell the story of the 2020 football season so far.
We’ll jump back and forth between Lions and Wolverines topics here in an attempt to not play favorites. Make no mistake, I hate them both equally.
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Michigan: Early exposure
Well, that escalated quickly. Michigan usually teases us a bit before entering “Ohio or bust” territory. The foreplay only lasted one game this time ’round, with the team promptly going limp at the first sign of adversity.
The team was feeling themselves a bit too much after a Week 1 mop job of Minnesota, a rare ranked/road win for Jim Harbaugh (albeit over a fraudulent Gophers squad). They gave that win right back and then some during Halloween hell, an embarrassing home loss to heavy underdog Sparty. Losing to Indiana for the first time since the advent of color TV (only a slight exaggeration) completed Michigan’s seven day transformation from contender to pretender.
The program’s first 1-2 start since the Rich Rod era (2008) is a bad look for Crazy Jim. The elimination of non-conference games due to COVID took away the cushy 2-3 wins over outclassed opponents that consistently elevate the perception of what Jim Harbaugh has accomplished at Michigan.
You’ve likely heard the support from national honks who love to tell Michigan fans how lucky they are to have a team that wins 9-10 games every year. But the fact is that year in and year out, this is an ordinary program with extraordinary athletes.
Sometimes it takes a while for Michigan to show it’s true colors, which aren’t Maize and Blue, by the way. But we already know where this ship is headed. Just take it from the dulcet tones of Florence Welch + her Machine. She didn’t write this song about Michigan Football (I don’t think), but the title says it all.
Lions: Doin’ too much (and also not enough)
The D’Andre Swift game-ending drop in the end zone in the Week 1 loss to Chicago. Matt Prater’s game-winning FG to cap a 4th quarter comeback in Arizona. A loss to New Orleans where it looked like the Lions were trying to salt away the clock late in the 3rd quarter…while trailing by three TDs.
And of course, who could forget the incompetence bowl against the Falcons, where on one silly Sunday, the other team wanted it less. Seriously, watch the following extended highlight video. Everyone remembers the saddest TD in NFL history by Todd Gurley II and subsequent game-winning drive from Matthew Stafford, but that entire 4th quarter was insane.
But that Falcons game encapsulates what is so frustrating about this franchise. Even when you eventually come out on top, it just takes soooooo much to break right that it isn’t sustainable over the course of a full season. At the halfway point the Lions have exactly one “normal” win (at JAX). Good and mediocre teams make these a regular occurrence, but even below-average teams have the ability to slip in a dub here and there that doesn’t come down to the wire.
It’s not good for business (or your health) to wait until there is no margin for error before putting your opponent away. Yet the Lions seem unable to play to their potential until their backs are against the wall, a strange theme that has crossed multiple regimes. The losses, on the other hand, are no doubters. While 2019 was the year of the one-score loss, Detroit has already been smacked around three times in 2020, with plenty more to come in the second half.
In keeping with the “doin’ too much” theme, I could drop a video of one of the many titular tracks of the same name in this spot. Apparently, it’s a very pop’lar song title now’days. We have hot new bangers from household names such as Lil’ Durk, Kash Doll, and Moneybagg Yo & Yo Gotti. But I’m going with a timeless classic. Where were you, in the summer of ’02?
Michigan: Harbaugh-rrowed time
This experiment has gone on long enough, no?
I don’t know how he does it given the…um…everything about him. But Jim Harbaugh still finds a way to bring upper-tier (though not quite elite) recruiting classes to this university year in and year out. This despite being owned by their most hated rival and capable of being embarrassed by any team who brings their A-game.
I don’t know how many more ways I can make the point that this man is simply incapable of getting the production to match the talent at his disposal. Could you imagine what a smarter, hungrier, more deserving head coach could do with this treasure trove of talent?
It’s well past time for a change at the top. Bust open the white-out and erase “Michigan man” from the list of qualifications while you’re at it. The list of worthy applicants will grow immensely.
Couldn’t decide which track reminded me most of Harbaugh, so I figured I’d just drop them all here. Think of it as a sampler platter of disappointment.
Oh, and Harbaugh can take Don Brown with him. Call me the next time one of his “elite” defenses gives up less than 1,000 yards against an opponent worth a damn.
Lions: The end of the Quinn-tricia error…era?
Full disclosure: I was on record in support of bringing back Bob Quinn and Matt Patricia for one more “prove-it” season. Many weren’t. Perhaps most weren’t. But there was so much noise surrounding the 2019 season. You had Matthew Stafford’s back injury that derailed an explosive offensive, the front office clashes with Quandre Diggs and Darius Slay, and the complete and utter collapse of “Snacks” Harrison, once considered the most dominant run-stuffer in the game.
I wanted to be absolutely positive that a full year of Pro Bowl Stafford and another offseason of acquiring “culture fit” guys weren’t what the doctor ordered for this franchise. I mean, it’s not like I have any confidence the next regime would do any better, so I considered the risk worth taking.
Eight games into the season, one thing is crystal clear to me: If Matthew Stafford isn’t playing at an All-Pro level, this team is bad. Like, real bad. And to be fair, Stafford hasn’t played anywhere near his 2019 self thus far. He can still make all the throws, but mistakes are up and they have come in critical spots. That being said, I’d like to dedicate this one to a guy who will always be my QB. This franchise still doesn’t deserve you.
Matthew Stafford has to play near-perfect ball for this team to look competent because there is no contingency plan when he is off. OC Darrell Bevell offers nothing in the way of generating offense through creative playcalling. Lions receivers continue to give Stafford zero room for error, which is the driving force behind my opinion that he is a criminally underrated QB. ICYMI – Stafford’s top weapon Kenny Golladay has been the NFL’s worst WR at creating separation for two years running.
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And on top of that, Stafford’s passes are being dropped at a 7.0% clip, just 0.1% behind Aaron Rodgers for worst in the NFL, a new problem this team simply cannot afford.
But this isn’t a Stafford problem. This is an everything problem.
More specifically, this is a problem of roster construction and an absolutely pathetic defense led by a so-called defensive-minded head coach.
D’Andre Swift looks like the most dynamic RB on the roster, while Kerryon Johnson has been one of the best backs in the NFL in pass protect and still has a future with this team (and potential trade value), yet Adrian Peterson has more carries than both combined.
Roster construction and coaching.
Will Harris is flat out one of the worst safties in football. We’ve known this for 1.5 seasons now. Yet Matt Patricia felt compelled to play Harris over 100 snaps in the first two games this season, including out snapping Tracy Walker by a wide margin in a blowout loss to Green Bay in Week 2. One of the most reasonable, level-headed, dare I say optimistic Lions beat writers, Erik Schlitt of LionsWire, called this decision a “firable offense”. Oh, and did I mention Bob Quinn traded up to select Harris in the third round in 2019?
Roster construction and coaching.
There are an endless supply of questions and very few answers surrounding this regime. Let go rapid-fire with a few more.
How can high-quality defensive players (Flowers, Harmon, Collins) be brought in, play at the high clip we expect from them, yet the defense as a whole continues to be one of the worst in the NFL?
Why do the Lions constantly have only 10 guys playing defense?
Why do Quinn and Patricia manage this team like their jobs aren’t on the line when they clearly are (or should be, at least)? This was one of the things I wanted to see this season, how the hot seat would manifest itself on the field. Yet Quinn once again keeps his “rainy day” fund rather than utilizing his cap flexibility, and Patricia continues to be as conservative as any coach from an in-game perspective. Anyone?
Rather than adding on to the stockpile of questions, it’s time Sheila Ford Hamp found someone who has some answers. One of the things I have learned is that this wouldn’t be a ground-up rebuild if the plug was pulled. Bob Quinn’s acquisitions aren’t as scheme specific as advertised. These players can play for anyone, anywhere. Stafford (not a Quinn guy, but still applies), Swift, Hockenson, Ragnow, Flowers, Harmon, Collins? Sounds better than 3-5 on paper. Yet, is anyone really that surprised that this is where we stand?
Bob Quinn. Matt Patricia. I tried to be Jonny Sunshine, or at least Jonny partly cloudy with a chance for scattered showers. But you have betrayed my indifference toward your abilities to right this ship. And for that, I dedicate this song to you. Thanks for nothing. Get to steppin’. LUDA!
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